Top 5 Tips to Manage Back to School Transitions | Your Transformed Family

The start of a new school year always brings mixed emotions in our house. Over the past few years, we’ve navigated several school transitions with our boys — moving from Toronto to Hamilton, shifting between public and Montessori schools, and adjusting to new teachers and classmates. Even when my kids were excited about the change, there was always some anxiety under the surface.

That’s the reality of back to school transitions. They’re not just about new backpacks and sharpened pencils — they’re big shifts for a child’s nervous system and sense of security. According to the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, transitions are stressful because kids’ brains are wired to crave predictability. When routines change, their stress response system kicks in, making it harder to regulate emotions and behaviour.

I’ve seen this firsthand with my boys. My oldest is quiet and sensitive; my youngest is outgoing and strong-willed. The same transition looks completely different on each of them — one holds his feelings in until he explodes at home, the other lets you know exactly how he feels in the moment. Both are normal responses.

So if your child is struggling with managing school anxiety or regulating emotions this fall, you’re not alone. Here are my top five tips to help ease the transition and support your child’s emotional well-being.

1. Expect an Emotional Release After School

When kids come home after a long day, don’t be surprised if you’re met with meltdowns, whining, or irritability. I call this the “after-school crash.”

At school, children often spend the day holding it together — focusing, following directions, managing social dynamics. By the time they get home, their “emotional backpack” is overflowing. As Dr. Mona Delahooke explains, kids aren’t being “difficult” in these moments; their nervous system is simply discharging all the built-up stress from the day.

I used to feel frustrated when teachers would tell me how polite and cooperative my boys were at school — while at home, I was getting the tears, the yelling, and the pushback. Now I see it as a good sign. Home is where they feel safe enough to let it all out.

Instead of taking it personally, expect it. Give them a snack, space to move their bodies, or quiet time before asking about their day. Think of it like you do after a long workday — you probably need a moment to decompress before diving into conversation, too.

2. Routines, Routines, Routines!

Transitions feel less overwhelming for kids when the day has a predictable rhythm. The brain loves patterns — it helps the nervous system shift from “fight or flight” into a sense of safety and control. According to Daniel Siegel, routines give children a framework that supports self-regulation and builds confidence.

In our family, we’ve found that morning, after-school, and bedtime charts reduce a lot of stress. Instead of me nagging (“Did you brush your teeth yet?!”), my boys can see what’s next and take more ownership. Over time, this independence boosts their confidence and reduces power struggles.

When we switched schools last year, I noticed how grounding it was for both of my kids to have these routines stay the same at home. Even when everything else was new — teachers, classmates, and expectations — the familiar rhythm of our mornings and evenings gave them something to lean on.

If you’ve fallen out of routine over the summer (we definitely do!), start easing back in a few days before school begins. Bedtimes especially — research shows kids’ brains need consistent sleep to manage emotions and learning during the day.

3. Allow Time to Chill & Release Energy

One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was expecting my boys to sit down and focus the minute they walked in the door. After a full day of sitting, listening, and following rules, their bodies and brains needed the opposite: movement and play.

Children process stress through their nervous system, and physical activity is one of the most effective ways to reset. The Harvard Center on the Developing Child notes that active play helps regulate cortisol (the stress hormone) and supports emotional balance.

This could look like stopping at the park on the way home or letting them run around the block before dinner. It can be as simple as cranking up the music for a kitchen dance party or jumping on the trampoline. These rituals don’t just burn energy — they signal to the brain: school is over, you’re safe, you can relax now.

I also like to join in when I can. Even a quick round of jumping jacks or a silly dance with my kids helps both of us shake off the stress of the day and reconnect.

✅ Quick Recap So Far
- Expect emotional release after school — meltdowns and big feelings are normal and a sign your child feels safe.
- Lean on routines — predictable rhythms calm the nervous system and reduce power struggles.
- Build in time to move — physical play helps kids regulate emotions and shift out of school mode.

These small shifts can make a big difference in how your child manages back to school transitions and in reducing overall school anxiety.

4. Special Time

If there’s one tool that has consistently helped my boys through transitions, it’s special one-on-one time.

You don’t need hours. Even ten minutes of fully present, undistracted time can strengthen your connection and ease anxiety. Research on child development shows that connection is the foundation for cooperation — when kids feel seen and valued, their brains release oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which helps regulate emotions and reduces stress.

For my youngest, bath time often turns into his safe space to talk. One evening after school, he told me, “Mom, I miss you when I’m at school. I don’t want to go.” Instead of brushing it off, I validated his feelings: “I miss you too when you’re at school. I can’t wait for our time together after.” That simple shift helped him feel understood, and it gave us something to look forward to the next day.

Special time doesn’t have to be complicated — reading together, going for a short walk, or even playing a quick game can work. What matters most is your presence. No phone, no multitasking, just you and your child. You can check out my Instagram post on special time tips for success.

5. Model Stress Management

Our kids learn more from what we do than from what we say. If we want them to handle school stress and big transitions with resilience, they need to see us doing the same.

This doesn’t mean being perfect — it means being real. When I’m feeling stressed, I let my boys see me take a break to move my body, step outside for fresh air, or put on music to reset my mood. Sometimes we’ll even do a short yoga stretch or breathing exercise together.

Children’s self-regulation skills are strongly shaped by watching how adults manage stress. When we model calm responses, we’re actually helping to “wire” their brains for better emotional control.

Think of it this way: every time your child watches you take a deep breath instead of snapping, you’re showing them a tool they can use for life.

Bonus TIP: Be Gentle With Yourself

Back to school isn’t just a transition for kids — it’s a shift for us as parents, too. If your little one is starting school for the first time, you might feel a wave of emotions. It’s okay to feel that mix of relief, worry, and even sadness. Self-compassion matters here. The calmer and more supported you feel, the more you can show up with presence for your child.

Final Thoughts

Back to school transitions are a big deal — for kids and for parents. There will be ups and downs, meltdowns and breakthroughs. That’s not a sign of failure; it’s a sign that your child is adapting, learning, and growing.

By expecting an emotional release, leaning on routines, building in time for play, creating special moments of connection, and modeling stress management, you’re giving your child the tools to handle not just this school year, but future challenges too.

Most importantly, remember you’re not alone in this. Every family is finding their own rhythm. Be patient with yourself, lean on connection, and trust that with time, things will settle.

Here’s to a school year filled with growth, resilience, and a little more calm for all of us.